


Nothing Can Come Bewteen

by TheQuietQuill



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Multi, Oral Sex, Riding, Smut, Vaginal Sex, a lot of reuniting and realization basically, but minor!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 09:50:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10896816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQuietQuill/pseuds/TheQuietQuill
Summary: Eleanor’s smile falls, “It’s been a long time, Louis.”Louis sounds just as sad as she does, “I know.”Or: Eleanor was convinced that Louis would never be a part of her life ever again. But through tragedy, they're reunited.





	Nothing Can Come Bewteen

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. I've never written a non-AU before. I tried to be as respectful about Jay's illness as I could because I loved that woman dearly and I still can't believe she's gone. I do think that her passing is what brought Louis and Eleanor back together. I also try to be respectful towards Briana and Danielle so I hope I did that well. Anyways, here's what I think kinda/sorta happened to bring Elounor back on! :)  
> Please read and enjoy! :)

May, 2016

                _“Hello, love.”_

_Eleanor tensed up at the voice behind her. She took in a large breath and talked herself into the standing up. Jay was smiling at her when she turned around and it was like everything that happened in the last couple of years never occurred. It was she was 21 again, meeting Jay up for tea or brunch and a chat. It was their thing for years and maybe Eleanor shouldn’t have so attached to her or the rest of his family. Maybe it would’ve been easier on all of them if Eleanor didn’t know the Tomlinson-Deakins so well. But Eleanor didn’t regret anything, nothing at all._

_She hadn’t seen Jay in a long time, too long Eleanor figured, but she looked good overall. Her smile was still just as bright as ever, but there was heaviness in her eyes that took Eleanor back a little bit. Perhaps the younger twins kept her up the night before. God, Eleanor thought, she was there at the hospital when Earnest and Doris were born! Now, they were two years old and Eleanor didn’t think either of them would remember who she was._

_Jay stopped in front of her and opened her arms. Eleanor relaxed a little, offered her a genuine smile and accepted Jay’s hug. Eleanor hated that her lips quivered from the embrace. It felt so familiar, painfully familiar and she missed that feeling._

_Everyone in his family always gave the best hugs._

_“Oh Eleanor,” Jay breathed out, her head shaking a little, “You look lovely as always.”_

_Eleanor laughed a little, “Not as good as you look, Jay.”_

_Jay’s smile fell slightly, “Let’s sit, yeah?”_

_Eleanor settled into the metal seat, Jay sat down across from her. Eleanor hadn’t been to this café before and although the deep, rich smell coffee smelled tempting, Eleanor was still too nervous to order a drink. She barely slept the night before, and she changed her outfit several times that morning. Her knees shook under the table as Jay looked at her with a tiny smile._

_“I hope you’ve been well,” Jay said, “The girls follow you on social media. I’m not on it as much these days but, they say your blog is doing well.”_

_Eleanor grinned a little bit, “Thank you. It’s still new and I don’t really know what I’m doing but it’s a passion, so.”_

_“You seem happier,” Jay said earnestly and Eleanor’s heart dropped._

_“I dunno about that,” she muttered and looked away._

_She was happy, for a long time she was impossibly happy._

_And now she was just trying to get a bit of that happiness back._

_“How is he?” Eleanor asked timidly, her head dropped and eyes closed. It hurt to ask, and most days it hurt to think about him but Eleanor had to know. She thought about him every day, as shameful as Eleanor was to admit it. She tried not to think about him, and scolded herself every time her mind strayed in his direction._

_Jay flashed a smile, “He’s good,” she said carefully. Eleanor looked up just as Jay pulled out her phone. The woman scrolled through her mobile until she smirked down at the screen and handed it to Eleanor.  She held her breath and looked down at the screen. She was relieved to look down at a picture of a chubby, smiling baby instead of Louis. Eleanor’s heart melted at the picture of the young boy. His head was large and nearly hairless. His blue eyes were wide and his cheeks were pudgy as he smiled at the camera. His toothless smile reminded Eleanor of the baby’s father, a man she still loved that was no longer in her life._

_“He’s cute,” Eleanor said sincerely._

_Jay beamed, “Can’t believe I’m a grandma! He’s the most precious little angel,” she boasted and looked unsurely at Eleanor, “I know it happened so quickly and very unexpectedly. And how everything went down, it wasn’t fair to you and I’m sorry. But Freddie’s a gift and I can’t imagine our family without him.”_

_Eleanor smirked softly, “It was supposed to happen,” she knew it was true, even if it her heart stung as she spoke._

_“Yeah,” Jay breathed out, her voice a little sad. She looked up at Eleanor, “He’s adjusting to all this, being a dad. He’s good, not perfect but he’ll get there,” Jay locked eyes with Eleanor, “I still think you two will get back together-”_

_“Please don’t,” Eleanor interjected quietly._

_Jay continued, “He loves you El, he always will.”_

_Eleanor shook her head, and ignored the way her heart felt like it was floating from Jay’s words, “He’s with someone else,” she reminded, brokenly. She thought back to December when she saw pictures of the man she still loved with everything in her soul with another woman. She felt sick seeing how cuddly they were in the wintery city, her home city apparently. It felt wrong not spending the holidays with Louis, not decorating their trees or doing their Christmas traditions. Eleanor spent the holiday with family, Max and her other friends but it just wasn’t the same._

_“He is,” Jay admitted, “And she’s a lovely girl. But at the end day, she’s not you.”_

_Eleanor couldn’t do this. She spent too much of the last year pining over Louis and wishing and hoping they’d get back together. She worked so hard to try and move on and have some sort of life without him._

_“If this is,” Eleanor shook her head, “If you wanted to meet with me today to try and convince your son to get back with me then I can’t be here.”_

_Eleanor took her purse off the ground and stood up, not looking at the woman she considered her second mom for years. Just as she stood up and ready to flee, Jay spoke out._

_“I’m sick El.”_

_All the air was sucked out of Eleanor’s lungs. Just the ton in Jay’s voice, she knew it wasn’t a cold or a flu-it was much more serious. Jay? Sick? No. Eleanor didn’t want to believe it. But when she turned around to face Jay, the woman had tears welling up in her eyes and somehow, she still had a smile on._

_“That’s the real reason I wanted to see you today,” Jay confessed, “I felt like you should be told in person, not over the phone. I’m sorry it’s just,” Jay sniffed and she shook her head, “It doesn’t get any easier saying it, talking about it. I’ve told loads of people by now and it’s still so b-bloody hard.”_

_Jay was sick, she wouldn’t lie about it. If it was nothing or if it wasn’t as serious, Jay wouldn’t haven’t looked so  Eleanor let out a stunned breath as she tried to put on her brave face. She reached over the napkin stand on the table. She handed Jay a napkin and the other woman thanked her for it as she wiped her eyes._

_Eleanor lowered herself back down in her seat. She took Jay’s hand in hers and did her best to try and smile reassuringly._

_Jay told her everything and the whole time, Eleanor kept thinking about how Jay’s family was handling all this._

_Especially how a certain a young man was coping._

~~~

December 2016

                It’s a Wednesday when Eleanor gets the call.

                She’s at home decorating her flat for Christmas, stringing up Christmas lights over the archway into her living area. Bruce comes up to her and prods his wet nose on her ankle. It startles Eleanor and she drops the Christmas lights in her hands.

                Eleanor giggles, “Brucy!”

                Her trusty golden labor doodle looks up, his tongue hanging out and a childlike innocence on his face as he pants with part of the string of lights draped over his head.

                “You’re too cute,” Eleanor coos and pets the back of Bruce’s ear.

                It’s then that her phone trills, breaking through the classic Christmas playing on the radio. Mindlessly Eleanor picks up her phone, thinking it would be her mom or maybe Max. Her face drops when she sees the name on the phone.

                It’s Dan.

                Thickly swallowing, Eleanor shuts the music off. She stares at the phone and lets it ring two more times before picking the phone up.

                “Dan?” Eleanor says weakly.

                There’s a long pause on the other end, before Eleanor’s heart drops at the sound of the man letting out a shaky breath. And that’s all it takes, Eleanor knows. Tears prick the back of her eyes.

                “When?” she asks quietly.

                “Last night,” Dan answers, almost robotically, “We were all there, just how she wanted it to be. She-she wasn’t in pain, and she’s finally in peace.”

                Eleanor holds back a sob, “I’m so sorry Dan.”

                Dan’s voice breaks, “God, I can’t believe she’s gone.”

                Eleanor bites her lips, tears welling up in her eyes as she looks up to the ceiling. She can’t wrap her head around it. She knew this was coming, and for a long time Eleanor tried to prepare herself. She was expecting this but it still is shocking somehow.

                “Is there anything I can do?” Eleanor asks.

                “You’ve done so much for Jay and the rest of us already Eleanor,” Dan says kindly, and Eleanor wants to dispute that. She doesn’t feel like she’s done anything extraordinary. She did what anyone else would do really.

                Eleanor takes in a heavy breath, “How are the girls?”

                “They’re doing as well as expected. You know how Lottie is, she’s tending to the other girls already. Daisy says she wants to see you.”

                Eleanor smirks a little, one pained and fleeting.

                “How are you?” Eleanor asks.

                Dan sighs before speaking, “I dunno. It’s weird, I tried to accept this for a long time but it still hurts a lot. I’m still process everything. I’ve got a lot of calls to make.”

                “Of course,” Eleanor says, feeling guilty, “I’ll let you go then. Thank you for letting me know.”

                There’s a bit of silence on Dan’s end before he speaks up, “Louis’ performing on X-Factor on Saturday.”

                “Are we really that surprised?” Eleanor asks, her tone light. Just the mention of Louis’ name still makes her heart flutter. She wants so badly to know how he is, and how he’s handling everything. But he’s not hers anymore. She doesn’t have that right to know him in that way anymore.

                “I just wish he’d wait a week,” Dan admits, “He’s barely slept this past month. He’s exhausted.”

                “It’s Louis,” she says, her heart aching at this, “He’s strong, and always have been. And it’s for his mum-no one could stop him.”

                Dan sounds like he’s smiling a little bit as he replies, “Jay loved you, ya know?”

                And that makes the tears fall.

                “I-I loved her too.” Eleanor says earnestly.

                Dan leaves her with a promise of relaying funeral information to her. Eleanor quietly thanks him again and tells him again how sorry she is for his loss. The line goes dead and Eleanor’s alone in her apartment. The reality of Jay’s death settles like the snow on the windowsill outside. Eleanor curls herself up into a ball on her couch and cries into her knees.

                Bruce whimpers by her side and tucks his head on her shoulder.

~*~ 

                _‘Can you come over, please?’_

                Eleanor looks down at the text unsurely. It’s from Felcitie and everything inside Eleanor just wants to say yes. She’s spent hours crying on her couch and the whole time she’s worried about the whole Tomlinson-Deakin clan. She wanted to go to their house and see them firsthand and be there for them whatever they needed.

                But.

                Louis’ going to be, and from what Eleanor understands of it, so will other people Eleanor’s not sure she wants to meet. People that Eleanor’s pretty certain also don’t want to meet her either.

                Still, Eleanor thinks about the girls and the promises she made to Jay. With that in mind, Eleanor pushes back the tinge of anxiety inside her away and types back a quick message that she’s on her way.

                Eleanor feebly puts together a decent look. Her eyes are puffy from crying and makeup will do little to cover the bags under her eyes. Plus, she wants to get to the girls as quickly as possible so she opts out on makeup altogether. She puts on a pair of jeans and a jumper and throws her hair quickly as she slips on a pair of boots. She kisses Bruce and rubs his tummy before leaving her home.

                While Jay was sick, she was receiving treatment from a specialized hospital in London. Louis, being the caring and providing man he is, purchased a longer home in London for his family to stay in when their mum had radiation. The more Eleanor thinks of everything Louis’ done for his family over the years makes her heart swell. But for Jay especially, Louis went all out. He sought out the best doctors and medicine. He paid for everything to give Jay her best chance.

                Eleanor wishes that all of Louis’ efforts came with different, better results.

                After pulling up to the gate, Eleanor texts Felcitie and lets her know she’s here. A minute passes and the gate slowly opens up for Eleanor to drive in. She finds a spot on the cobblestone driveway near the front of the house and parks. Her hands have grown shaky on the stirring wheel. Eleanor takes in several breaths and before convincing herself to unbuckle her seatbelt and gets out of the car.

                Eleanor walks up to the front door, but it opens before she even knocks.

                “Thanks for coming,” Felcitie greats her with a weak smile.

                Eleanor pulls her in for a hug, “How are you?”

                “I’m…okay,” she decides unsurely. She pulls back, and it’s clear she’s been crying. But like everyone else in her family, Felcitie seems to be putting on a brave front. Her and Lottie these past few months have been so strong and had to do a lot of growing up as well. Eleanor’s heart breaks for them, and the whole family.

                “Daisy’s hysterical, understandably,” Felcitie explains, “Lot’s and I tried to calm her down, and even Phoebe couldn’t get her settle down. She wanted to see you.”

                Eleanor bites her lip, “Poor thing.”

                “Louis’ freaking out,” Felcitie tells her with a light tone. Eleanor’s stomach flips at the mention of his name again, “He’s wearing himself out, making sure we’re all okay. He can’t stand Daisy being this like this.”

                “I can imagine,” Eleanor comments. She softly looks at Felcitie, “I’m so sorry this happened to you guys. None of you deserve this.”

                Felcitie looks down and nods before stepping back into the house. Eleanor takes in other deep breath and follows her inside.

                Eleanor’s halfway up the stairs when-

                “El?”

                Eleanor stops, her heart racing. God, the sound of his voice saying her name…she’s missed that so much. Just feeling his presence in the same room makes her skin prickle. She turns around slowly and seeing Louis for the first time in nearly two years doesn’t help her. He looks…different somehow. Maybe it’s the way that his cheeks look more hallow then she remembered. He looks thinner then she recalled and it’s clear he hasn’t been taking care of himself. This realization just makes Eleanor sadder for him. His eyes seem heavier, like he’s seen war, and Eleanor can’t help but feel drawn to him. She just wants to hug him and part of her wants to kiss him and never let go of him even though she knows she can’t.

                “Hi,” Eleanor finally says, flashing a weak grin.

                Louis frowns up at her from the bottom of the stairs. He blinks, shakes his head and tries to ask, “What are you-”

                “We’ll explain later,” Felcitie promises before quickly grabbing Eleanor’s arm and pulling her up the stairs. Eleanor is still looking down at Louis and he watches her as they fade form his vision. It’s quick, far too quick for Eleanor to process. In a weird way, she’s happy to see Louis again. She’s missed him deeply and seeing Louis awake feels like something inside her has awoken, something that has been dormant for a long time. She just wishes the circumstances were different.

                Walking towards the older twins’ room, Felcitie comments, “You know, it would a hell of a lot easier to explain all this to Louis if you would just tell him everything.”

                Eleanor dismisses that idea hastily, “He can’t know, Flizz. I’m serious, he can’t.”

                Beside her, Felcitie makes a disagreeing noise, but she thankfully drops the subject.

~~~

                Somehow, Eleanor’s able to get Daisy to eat a light lunch and drink two cups of tea. It’s a feat, considering how emotional Daisy was when she got to her. She could hardly breathe and Eleanor feared she would pass out. But after a bit of food in her, Daisy calms down enough. The poor girl is exhausted and Eleanor let her curl up against her body. Eventually Daisy falls asleep and Eleanor stays in bed with her until she was sure Daisy is sound asleep before carefully lifting herself from the mattress. She tucks in Daisy carefully under the covers before Eleanor quietly leaves the room.

                She expected to find Louis waiting for her out in the hallway. That was a given really. Louis seemed utterly confused to find his ex-girlfriend climbing up his family’s home after two years of not seeing each other. It’s strange and Eleanor figured he’d want answers. Louis never liked being left out of the loop and Eleanor knows this.

                But Eleanor didn’t expect Louis to grab her by her sleeve and drag her across the hall.   

                “Bloody Hell!” Eleanor complains, “What is it with this family pulling me everywhere? I have feet you know.” She’s hoping to earn a tiny laugh from Louis, but he promptly ignores her. Eleanor sighs and lets him take her to the room at the end of the hall.

                The room Louis takes her in seems to be a den of some kind, perhaps even a home office. There are built-in book sleeves on the far wall, stained in a deep brown. There’s a modern looking wood desk in front of it that matches the book shelve and a white leather desk chair. There are picture frames on the desk and Eleanor assumes they’re showing various pictures of Louis’ family. Eleanor barely has enough time to take in everything else in this room before the door is shut.

                Eleanor turns and sees Louis staring at her, his face stoic. There was a time when Eleanor always seemed to know what Louis was thinking. A simple look would tell Eleanor everything. But now, it seems Eleanor’s lost her touch. He’s unreadable to her now and that makes Eleanor a bit sad.

                “I didn’t know you-” Louis starts out but he drops his gaze and scoffs a little. He shakes his head and looks back up to her, and Eleanor thinks there’s a bit of betrayal in his gaze, “How long have you been talking to my sisters?”

                Eleanor decides to at least be partially honest with him, “Sometime in May.” Louis frowns at this and God, Eleanor hates lying to him. It’s like he can tell she’s not being completely truthful. 

                “After my mum was diagnosed?” Louis asks quietly. Eleanor nods.

                “It was hard for them, obviously and like-” Eleanor sighs and earnestly tells him, “I still love them, Lou. I always have.”

                Louis eyes her closely, his eyes like piercing blue icicles hanging dangerously high off the ground and ready to strike.

                “Mum told ya she was sick, right?” Louis doesn’t sound too terribly surprised by this realization. In fact, for the first time since he’s been in her presence, Louis cracks a small smile in her direction as he leans back on the edge of the desk, propping his weight against it.

                “Yes,” Eleanor confesses. She takes a careful step towards him, feeling more comfortable, “Um, Jay-she reached out and told me. After that, I contacted the girls to check up on them and-” Eleanor picks her words cautiously, “Kept in touch over the months. I told them they could come to me whenever.”

                “And I assume,” Louis concludes, “That you told them not tell me you were back in their lives.”

                Eleanor drops her head and looks away.

                “I didn’t want to make things awkward.”             

                Louis barks out a surprised laugh, one not genuine, “Look at us now.”

                Silence settles in the office and Eleanor hates it. She hates this tension between them because it truly does feel like nothing’s changed over the years. It reminds her of the final months of their relationship, how they were fighting constantly. When reminiscing those final months, Eleanor recalls so many tears. She recalls having such terrible anxiety that she went days without eating properly. She became a nervous wreck every time they were together because is was as if their relationship had grown a fuse and they always sparked an inferno when they were together.

                Eventually, Eleanor could feel the hate radiating off the man who supposedly love her endlessly. She gave him an out, she broke up with him. And Eleanor remembers the look of sheer shock and devastation on Louis’ face. He begged her to stay in Australia, to give him another chance. But it felt pointless to stay at the time. Eleanor knew it would only bring more fights, more tears, and more pain. Eleanor loved both of them too much to endure that. She didn’t want Louis to despise her even more then he seemingly already did.

                So they broke up, and it’s clear the scar has not scabbed over it.

                The cut is very fresh, even after all this time.

                “Look if talking to them makes bothers you, I’m sorry,” Eleanor says, “But, I’m not going to stop being in contact with your family. If they want to speak with me, I won’t ignore them. Sorry if you don’t like it, but it’s not your place to intervene.”

                Louis’ lips are tight, until the break out into a wide grin. And that, seeing Louis smile like that for the first time in years, takes Eleanor’s breath away.

                “Still stubborn as ever I see,” Louis comments, amused.

                Eleanor scoffs and rolls her eyes, “I haven’t changed that much.”

                “You have, though,” Louis says. Suddenly, having Louis looking at her is too much. Eleanor looks away promptly and gulps.

                “I’m sorry, Lou,” she says instead, because somehow talking about Jay now is more comfortable then hearing Louis talking about her as if he still knows Eleanor, “She-Jay was a wonderful woman.”

                “Thanks,” Louis says quietly, “I’m still coming to terms with everything.”

                Eleanor nods tentatively and Louis goes on.

                “It’s not fair,” Louis says, voice thick, “I just keep thinking how Earnest and Doris aren’t going to know their own mum. They’re so fucking young, none of this is fair.”

                “They’ll know, Louis,” Eleanor promises weakly, “You will tell them of Jay. They’ll never go a day without their mum.”

                She pushes back her hesitations and her fingers graze Louis’ wrist. Eleanor knows she has no right to touch him this way. But Louis doesn’t flinch away, he doesn’t verbally protest this. In fact, his hand twists up, moving Eleanor’s hand under his, and his palm curls around the bottom of her wrist. This all feels out of habit, instinct and Eleanor hates how right it feels. Louis drops his head onto Eleanor’s shoulder and his other hand moves to Eleanor’s other arm. She lets out a soft sigh when Louis’ hands squeeze her, one around her wrist and the other wrapped around her other elbow. Mindlessly, Eleanor moves her other hand to his waist, just touching his hip. He feels thinner there then she remembers but she doesn’t care. She hasn’t touched Louis like this in ages; she’ll take Louis any way she can.

                “I don’t,” Louis huffs and he shakes his head into Eleanor’s jumper, “I dunno how to feel about you being back.”

                Eleanor wants to tell him she hasn’t gone anywhere, not really. She’s always been here, stupidly waiting for Louis to decide he wanted her again. Yes it’s stupid, and not healthy at all, but what else was Eleanor supposed to do? Go off and find another man? No, she couldn’t do that. No guy could compare to Louis and Eleanor feels no guy would ever compare to Louis. He made many mistakes while they were together, some while they were broken up, but Louis is still the best man she’s ever known.

                “I know,” Eleanor says and God, she can’t hold back.

                She drops her head to the side and brushes her cheek against his, his stubble scraping her skin. He hasn’t shaved for days, and the sensation brings back memories for Eleanor. Louis still wears the same cologne and his scent triggers memories of her having lazy days with Louis. Eleanor remembers how his scents permanently smelled like him. They used to stay in bed for hours, usually because Louis was only home for a few days before jetting off on tour again. Those few days were filled with laughter and junk food and crappy movies. Those days were filled with kisses, soft touches and hours and hours of intense, passionate sex. They only had hours to explore their bodies once more, savor each kiss and to remind each other how much they loved the other one.

                Eleanor’s mind falters and she thinks she’s in the past again. She turns and kisses Louis’ cheek.

                Then, before anything else could happen, Eleanor is ripped from her sweet delusion.

                The door opens.

                “Lou? Dan wants to-”

                The two break apart quickly.

                Shit.

                Eleanor knows her, although she doesn’t know anything about her other then just her name, Danielle.

                But she’s the reason Eleanor can’t have Louis.

                And in person, now, Danielle looks confused and maybe in a littler hurt.

                Fuck.

                “I, um,” Eleanor stutters, avoiding Louis’ gaze, “I gotta go.” Eleanor briefly catches Danielle’s cold stare before she walks out of the room.

                “El-” Louis tries but Eleanor can’t stay here, she just can’t.

                Louis’ not hers anymore, no matter how much she wants him to be.

~~~

                Friday night, Eleanor’s got on Kardashian reruns on her TV and an order Chinese takeaway she’s picked through. She’s wearing her rattiest, more comfortable pajamas and Bruce is sitting diligently in front of her, hoping for a piece of chicken to come his way.

                Eleanor’s her mobile rings, out of the blue. She reaches over, her eyes still on the mindlessly entertaining show, and answers the call.

                “Hello?”

                “El, hi.”

                Eleanor’s eyes widen and she sits up.

                “Louis?”

                “Yes, um,” Louis says unsurely, “Is this a bad time or-”

                Eleanor cuts him off as she mutes the TV, “How’d you get my number?”

                “Nicked it from Phoebs,” Louis says unabashedly. Eleanor fondly rolls her eyes.

                “Why are you calling?” she asks next.

                 Louis pauses, “I’m…not sure really. I just, ever since seeing you yesterday-I dunno.”

                Eleanor’s heart picks up and gets up from the couch. Louis finds his words as Eleanor finds a bottle of red wine in her fridge. She suddenly needs a glass. Eleanor’s just uncorking the bottle when Louis speaks up again.

                “I’ve missed you,” Louis finally says and Eleanor pauses, “I liked seeing you again.”

                Eleanor goes and pours a glass of wine, much more then she normally goes for.

                “I’m sure your girlfriend doesn’t like that,” Eleanor comments flatly. She has to remind him, and herself, that they’re not in the good ole days anymore.

                Louis seems to be smirking on the other end, “She doesn’t have to know.”

                “Louis,” Eleanor scolds and Louis sighs.

                “We’re not even doing anything, Els,” he reasons, “I just-missed talking to you is all.”

                Eleanor ignores him and sips her wine. She pushes herself up her counter and sits with her legs crossed on the marble. Bruce comes trotting up to her dangling leg and barks loudly once.

                “Is that Brucier?” Louis asks excitedly.

                Eleanor smiles, “Yes.”

                Truth be told, Eleanor wouldn’t have picked the name Bruce as her first choice. Louis suggested it, and she only agreed to it because it seemed to make him happy. Now though, staring at her loyal companion, she couldn’t imagine Bruce being named anything else.

                “God it’s been so long since I’ve seen him!” Louis comments.

                Eleanor’s smile falls, “It’s been a long time, Louis.”

                Louis sounds just as sad as she does, “I know.”

                Silence settles and Eleanor takes this opportunity to take in another gulp of wine.

                “We released the news today,” Louis says finally, his voice barely a whisper, “Now everyone knows.”

                Eleanor nods, “I saw that on the news. Dan wrote a lovely statement.”

                “It’s weird though,” Louis admits, “The entire world knows me mum’s-” he stops and Eleanor just wants to reach out over the phone and hug him. Truth be told, she hasn’t stopped thinking about Louis all day, and how they touched each other yesterday. She has this instinctive need to take care of him that hasn’t faded over the years at all.

                “But your fans are being really supportive,” Eleanor says with a tiny smile, “They love you Louis, they’re hurting with you.”

                Louis stays quiet for a second or two longer before he comments, “I miss her so much.”

                “I know you do,” Eleanor says, “She’s still with you Louis, she always will be. And tomorrow, you’re gonna make her damn proud when you perform.”

                Louis scoffs, “You heard about that?”

                “Dan told me,” Eleanor confesses.

                 “I can’t fuck it up, Els,” Louis says, voice flat and serious.

                “You won’t, you never have and you never will,” Eleanor smiles. She’s been to a ton of One Direction concerts and she fondly thinks back to seeing him run around the stage and singing with his entire soul. But he always had his insecurities; he always thought he was less talented compared to the other boys in the band. Eleanor was always willing to be his cheerleader, to encourage him and build him up before every show.

                “You’re gonna smash it,” Eleanor tells him truthfully, “It’s a wicked song.”

                Louis scoffs, “You’ve heard it?! Which one of my demon sisters played it for you?”

                Eleanor’s shoulders drop, “Um, actually…Jay did.”

                Louis’ grown quiet once more and Eleanor bites her lip. She shouldn’t have said that.

                “When?” he asks.

                Eleanor gulps and meekly confesses, “October,” she huffs out a laugh, “She was so bloody proud of the song Lou. She was beaming.” 

                “You…” Louis softly gasps and Eleanor flinches, “You visited my mum in the hospital?”

                “Several times,” Eleanor comes clean with that part because it’s no use lying to him about it anymore, “But, um. The last time I saw her was about a month ago. I knew you were back in town and I didn’t want to-yeah. So I said my goodbyes to her then so that I wouldn’t get in the way.”

                “El,” Louis exhales, “I-I had no idea. You shouldn’t have-it wouldn’t have been weird.”

                Eleanor scoffs, “Yes it would have been. Your ex-girlfriend in the same room with the mother of your child, another ex, and your current girlfriend?” Louis lets out a small laugh and Eleanor grins softly, “I didn’t want to put more stress on your family, on you.”

                It’s too quiet and Eleanor wants to see Louis just to gauge his expressions and pick up on what he might be feeling.

                When Louis does speak up, it surprises Eleanor.

                “You’re something else, El,” he states, his voice heavy with fondness.

                Eleanor retorts playfully, “It’s taken you this long to figure that out?” Louis laughs, bright and true, and she can’t help but beam. She always felt victorious when she made Louis laugh in the past.

                “Still quick as a whip, I see.”

                “Yes,” Eleanor replies, “See? I haven’t changed that much.”

                Louis sighs, “El, I didn’t mean-you haven’t changed in a bad way. All your good qualities are still there. But they’re like-heightened, I guess. You seem…happier.”

                Eleanor smirks sadly, “Jay said the same thing.”

                “Really? When?”

                “The day she told me she was sick,” Eleanor admits quietly.

                Louis’ silent for a while before he says, “You could’ve told me, that you were talking to my mum and my sisters. I wouldn’t have mind.”

                “You wouldn’t have?” Eleanor asks unconvinced.

                “El,” Louis breathes out, “I know…when we broke up, things were messy and complicated. And I know I hurt you a lot.”

                Eleanor interjects, “God, I hurt you too Louis.”

                “But it was wrong of me to cut your out completely,” Louis sighs, “I shouldn’t have acted like you- _we_ never existed. And I would never ask my family to do that to you.”

                Eleanor swishes the wine in her glass around, suddenly transfixed by it, “Still. I didn’t-”

                “What?” Louis pushes. Eleanor nibbles her lip.

                “You…seemed to be moving on, Lou. You were becoming a father and then you got another girlfriend and I-I didn’t want to get in the way of that. If…if you were moving on, I couldn’t stop you.”

                “I’m sorry, El,” Louis says guiltily and it’s like she’s back in time.

                “Lou-” she chides but Louis continues.

                “It was an accident,” Louis tells her again, even though she knows it was, “I-I didn’t, I wouldn’t get the next girl I was with pregnant like that. I wouldn’t do that to you, not after we planned on-”

                Eleanor holds her breath and hopes he doesn’t continue that sentence. She was with the man for four years so of course they planned on the end game with a bunch of kids and dogs alike. So yeah, it hurt like Hell when Louis called her a few months after they had broken up to tell her he was going to become a dad. Louis kept apologizing, saying he didn’t plan this and didn’t mean to do this to her. Eleanor understands it better now, but at the time she was furious. At the time she told Louis never to call her again. At the time, Eleanor said nasty things that still haunt her to this day.

                “Freddie’s the best thing to ever happen to you,” Eleanor says, knowing it’s true. Louis’ matured so much since becoming a dad.

                Louis smiles through the phone, “He is. I know it’s not ideal but I can’t imagine not having him.”

                “Things work out the way they’re supposed to, I guess,” Eleanor says, “And, um-you seem pretty happen with Danielle.”

                “Don’t El,” Louis sighs pleadingly.

                Eleanor closes her eyes and sighs. It’s painful to say this but she needs to, for her sake.

                “She’s a lovely girl-”

                “Don’t,” Louis mutters, “Please.”

                Eleanor holds her breath, “Okay, Louis. Look, I’m tired so.”

                Louis sighs, agreeing, “Me too, just-” he pauses unsurely, “Mum’s funeral is next Friday in Donny. You’ll be there, yeah?”

                Eleanor finds her herself smiling a little at his insecurity, “Of course I will. And hey-go kill it tomorrow! Bruce and I will be watching.” Louis scoffs.

                “No pressure, eh?”

                “None,” Eleanor assures him, “You’ll be great.”

                Louis fond is thick in his voice, “If you say so Calder, it must be true.”

                “Damn right,” Eleanor giggles, and thankfully Louis does do.

                It’s the last thing she hears before the line is disconnected. Eleanor sighs and hands up her phone.

                That night, when she’s tucked in bed with her blood buzzing on wine, Eleanor tries hard not to think about Louis. But it’s hard not to. Her thoughts float around her head, his voice buzzing in her ears hours after their conversation ended. She hugs her pillow, as Eleanor thinks about how Louis in bed with another woman, a woman he loves and one that loves him back. Tears slip out freely and more then anything, she just wishes Louis was holding her.

~~~

                Louis kills his performance, of course.

                Eleanor watches from her living room as Louis moves around the stage, singing with his soul. She hasn’t seen Louis perform in so long but God, he was born to sing. She cries when the performance ends and the entire auditorium gives him a standing ovation and Louis takes it in, struggling to remain composed. She hugs Bruce when Louis plants a kiss on her hand moves it to sky for Jay and she cries harder at that.

                What Louis did was courageous and shows how strong he is.

                Eleanor feels happy she was able to witness this.

                She shoots Louis a simple congratulatory text, and tells him how proud she is of him.

                Part of wishes she was with Louis. It would have been amazing to see him perform right in front of her again. She wishes she was there supporting him, but she knows it’s not her job anymore. She’s not his head cheerleader-that position is filled by another woman.

                This is why Eleanor didn’t want to see Louis again, because it just hurts. It hurts talking to him as if they’ve never been separated. When he laughs because of something she’s said, the high falls rapidly because she knows this is all temporary. Louis will get stronger, he’ll grieve and learn to cope, and then he’ll go back to LA with his son and girlfriend.

                Eleanor knows Louis will forget about her again, leaving Eleanor in a wake of pain and hurt.

                But. If the choice is between not seeing Louis ever again or seeing him just for a little bit, she’ll choose to have whatever time with Louis she’s got.

~~~

                There’s a murmuring about the room, voices low and soothing. Nearly a hundred people are crowed into two rooms, all are wearing black.

                Eleanor watches with a sad smile as Earnest chases Doris around, the two toddlers darting through the crowd. It breaks her heart that they don’t fully understand this. Then again, Eleanor thinks most of the people here are just as clueless as to why Jay is gone.

                The service was lovely and touching, bittersweet and simple. The casket was closed and Eleanor was thankful for that, for the Tomlinson-Deakins’ sake. Winter flowers adorned it, and the pews of the church were filled with flowers everywhere Eleanor looked. The church was packed with the family’s closest friends and other family members. One by one, Eleanor witnessed with teary eyes each one of Jay’s older children relay favorite memories of their mother. Lottie broke down at the podium and Eleanor was ready to jump out of her seat for her-

                But, Danielle got to her first and Eleanor reluctantly settled back in her seat.

                It’s been an hour or so since the funeral ended. The reception is held at some private banquet hall in Doncaster. Eleanor was pleased to find out that the press was being respectful and were not at the funeral or the reception. She’s happy Jay’s family can grieve in peace and privacy.

                So far it hasn’t been too awkward. Louis’ friends Calvin and Oli don’t seem too surprised she’s here and Stan even told Eleanor it was good seeing her again. Together, Louis and his friends were a crazy bunch and she’s missed them too over the years. Eleanor and Danielle made eye contact once which Eleanor promptly broke off first. Eleanor has successfully avoided Briana. She just doesn’t want anything to go wrong, she doesn’t want petty cat fights to surface at a reception for a funeral. They all need to be adults and be here for Louis, that’s all.

                Speaking of, Eleanor hasn’t seen much of Louis since the funeral. She figures he’s busy talking to guests and making sure everything’s in order. She’s talked to other members of his family a little bit, but not too much. It would be weird if Louis’ sisters hung out with their brother’s ex-girlfriend when his current girlfriend is in the same room.

                Lottie sits down suddenly next to Eleanor. She’s holding her nephew and Eleanor has to admit, Freddie is the cutest little lad. He babbles and blows his lips at Eleanor as Lottie bounces him. Eleanor can’t help but compare him to Louis, its clear Freddie is his son.

                “He’s a little fussy this one,” she comments, “He needs a nap, and so do Doris and Earnest.”

                Eleanor nods, “Are there other rooms with couches? Maybe they can take a nap here.”

                “I dunno,” Lottie confesses and it’s then that Eleanor notices how run down she looks. For months she’s been doing this, helping Dan take care of the kids as Jay was getting treatment. She gave up her career and most of her social lie to help her siblings. Lottie is so unbelievably giving, but she deserves a little break.

                Eleanor offers, “I’ll go see if there’s a quiet place for naptime.”

                “Thanks El,” Lottie says gratefully, “You’ve always been so willing to help.”

                Eleanor’s face falls, “Don’t say that so loudly.”

                “God,” Lottie groans, “You’re ridiculous you know, being all secretive.”

                Eleanor rolls her eyes and takes off to find a spare room.

                There are many rooms lined up in the hall, and Eleanor finds that most of the doors are locked. She’s by herself, but she can hear the low roar of conversation from the a few rooms over. She tries unlocking all the doors to no avail when Eleanor notices a door tucked away at the end of the hallway to the right.

                This door opens up for Eleanor, but she doesn’t expect it to take her outside to the chilly December rain outside.

                And she doesn’t expect to find Louis there, standing in what looks to be a patio of some sort.

                Louis looks up at her, hair drenched and his black suit socked to the bone. He looks like he’s been out here in the rain for ages.

                His eyes are red. Eleanor watches his lips shake before he lets out a broken sob.

                “Louis,” she sighs softly, tears forming in her eyes.

                “S-She’s gone,” Louis rasps in disbelief, “Me m-mum’s really g-gone, El. I-”

                Eleanor is suddenly in front of him, holding the man upright. Cold rain hits her exposed arms but she doesn’t care about that. Louis wraps himself around Eleanor, and almost clings to her as he lets himself cry. Louis’ never cried in front of Eleanor, though over the years there have been times where he came close. She thought about how Louis was putting on a brave face this entire time, and how soon he would need to let go and allow himself to grieve.

                Now though, the façade that Louis built up, trying desperately to convince others that he’s okay, is crumbling before Eleanor’s eyes.

                “Breathe Lou,” she instructs, her voice thick.

                Louis heaves, “I-It’s not fair!”

                “It’s not,” Eleanor agrees softly, her hand rubbing his back.

                “T-This wasn’t supposed to happen,” Louis hiccups sadly and Eleanor screws her eyes shut and the tears escapes, “S-She was young, she was fine! A-And then-she’s just gone.”

                “I’m so sorry, Lou,” is all Eleanor can say.

                Louis shakes as he cries harder and Eleanor can’t hold him tight enough, close enough. Louis buries himself into her shoulder and weeps, his body trembling from the cold. Eleanor cries freely too, briefly, not bothering to hold back any longer. His fingers dig into her back and it takes Eleanor’s breath away. It feels as though he’ll never let go.

                But then, Louis does.

                He backs away abruptly, quickly wiping his eyes as he looks away. Eleanor instantly misses being enveloped by him. Louis just stares at her for a second, rain dripping down his fringe.

                “I’m sorry,” he says robotically. A bitter scoff comes out of him, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

                Eleanor insists softly, “It’s fine.”

                And that seems to anger Louis, he huffs bitterly.

                “What?” Eleanor asks sharply.

                Louis stares her down, rain hitting his eyes as he does so, before he billows.

                “Why are you like that?” he demands. Eleanor wants to ask him what he means when Louis continues, “Why are you so fucking nice to me, Els? I’ve hurt you, so much. You-fuck. You shouldn’t be here, El!”

                Eleanor shakes her head, “What are you-”

                “You’re happier now, Els!” Louis exclaims loudly but his voice noticeably lowers when he says, “That’s great and all but-”

                He looks back at Eleanor, his blue eyes nearly wincing.

                “I made you unhappy.”

                Eleanor closes her eyes and drops her head, “Lou, now’s not the-”

                “It’s true though, right?” Louis demands. Eleanor shrugs meekly.

                “We both hurt each other-”

                “Bullshit!” Louis spits out, and Eleanor flinches, “That’s bloody shit and you know it! I was never around and I wasn’t blind, I knew you were getting depressed towards the end. I saw first hand how-how dating me torn you down! I saw you, the girl I love- _loved,_ fading away. It was me, El! I didn’t protect you enough, I didn’t take care for you enough, I didn’t try hard enough to get you back-”

                “Stop it!” Eleanor pleas, tears brimming her eyes. Thinking about those last few months they were together is too painful.

                Louis shakes his head, “Why are you here, Els? You hate me.”

                Eleanor shakes her head to the ground and insists, “I could never hate you Louis. I-I never did hate you, even if I should have.”

                “But why?” Louis asks again, pleading.

                Eleanor picks her head up and scoffs, avoiding his gaze at first. She then slowly turns to him, locking her serious eyes with Louis’.

                “Why do you think, Louis?”

                Louis’ taken aback by the comment, his face holds confusion. And Eleanor can’t look at him. She’s basically confessed that she never got over him. She’s ashamed to say it aloud, though she’s known it was true for years. She expects Louis to leave, or even laugh at her for foolishly clinging to the past and the minor chance that Louis might come back.

                But Louis doesn’t do either of those things.

                Instead, Eleanor hears a couple of quick footsteps against the slick pavement that get louder. She sees Louis’ shoes briefly before-

                Before Louis’ hands are cupping her face. Eleanor picks her head up just enough for Louis to lean down, kissing her harshly.

                Eleanor sighs against his lips, as if she’s hasn’t breathed in nearly two years. It feels exactly like Eleanor remember, firm yet delicate, and her hands wrap curl around his jacket around his hips. She brings him closer, not wanting anything between them. It feels like she’s flying, like the world’s stopped and they’re back in the past.

                Since they broke up, there’s always been too much space between them. Continents, oceans, the radio silence. Eleanor was used to the separation, but now, as Louis breathes against her lips and his hands move down her body to her hips, Eleanor never wants to let him go. She never wants to be separated from him again.

                Just as Louis darts his tongue against her lips, and Eleanor feels herself sinking, she breaks away.

                Louis slowly opens his eyes. Both heave for air and their cold breathes mingle as the reality of what they’ve done settles in.

                Eleanor backs away, “Why did you do th-?” she starts but can’t bring herself to finish. 

                Oh God.

                Louis looks at her desperately, his lips puffy from guilty kisses.

                “Why do you think, Els?”

                Eleanor scoffs thickly, tears sting her eyes.

                “Don’t follow me,” she tells him quickly before turning around and opening the door.

                Eleanor numbly walks back down the hall, her head reeling and her stomach wobbly. She finds where her coat and purse is hung up on the rack and happens to look in the room where everyone’s gather. She instantly spots Danielle, laughing with Daisy and Phoebe. She happens to look up in Eleanor’s direction and her smile drops and her gaze turns curious.

                Soon, her boyfriend is gonna walk back in and Danielle will notice that he too is also soaked to the bone as well. She’s smart, she’ll put two and two together.

                And Eleanor can’t be here for that.

~~~

                Christmas comes with family presents, heavy food and wine, and laughter.

                Eleanor takes it as a perfect distraction. The past few weeks have been filled with heartache and much resurfacing and confusing feelings that she doesn’t know how to handle it. So Eleanor ignores it, all of it. She ignores Louis’ texts and phone calls, vowing to only answer calls from one of his sisters instead. And if one of them brought up Louis, Eleanor promptly ignored that and changed the topic.

                She hasn’t seen her own family in ages. When Eleanor sees her mum for the first time in months, she’s standing over the stove working on the gravy. Eleanor wordlessly goes up behind her and hugs her mum tightly.

                On Christmas Eve, Louis’ birthday, Eleanor can’t bring herself to text Louis though there’s this nagging part of her that still wants to reach out to him. So she tells Lottie to tell Louis she wishes him a happy birthday.

                Eleanor stays until the afternoon of Boxing Day to come home. Bruce barely lets Eleanor open the door before he runs inside, clearly excited to be back in his element. Eleanor hauls her suitcase in and turns on the lights. She’s met with silence, the flat untouched for days. The isolation shouldn’t bother her that much; she’s used to going on long trips and coming back to a nearly empty home every time.

                It didn’t bother Eleanor before, but now looking at her barren flat, it seems to ring loud and clear just how pathetic she is.

                Loving a man she can’t have for almost two years.

                A little while later, Eleanor is laid out on her couch. Bruce comes up to her and tentatively licks the tears off her face.

                She can always count on Bruce.

~~~

                It’s New Year’s Eve and Eleanor’s looking forward to going out with friends. She needs to unwind, let loose for a bit and let go a lot of all the baggage she’s been carrying around. She’s done a bit of soul searching and has realized she needs to come to terms that Louis’ moved on a long time ago. She’s finally going to really try and move on, maybe even got out with a few dates.

                Maybe.

                Baby steps.

                Eleanor fluffs out her curls and looks over her reflection. She might be trying a bit too hard with the dark smoky eye makeup and the burgundy lip. Her dress is an inch or so too short for her comfort zone and is flashy with metallic gold. But she just wanted to dress up and have fun. She forces a smile at her reflection.

                Her door bell rings just around. Eleanor’s friends said they might pop over before heading off to the clubs for a round of shots and quick bite to eat. Eleanor grabs her blazer when the doorbell rings again, this time causing Bruce to bark erratically.

                “Okay, I’m coming!” Eleanor yells while running to the door in heels.

                She opens the door and the air is knocked out of her, and not because of the frigid winter wind that blows in.

                But because Louis’ standing there on her front stoop, his cheeks nipped pink from the cold and his gaze a bit dazed. He seems lost for breath, for each puff of air that escapes his mouth in seen. Eleanor holds the door frame, waiting for him to say something-anything really.

                “You-” Louis shakes his head after finally muttering a word, “This whole time, you’ve been helping my family?”

                And there it is.

                All is known, and Eleanor can’t try and cover it up anymore.

                She stoically steps aside, “Come in.”

                “But-”

                “I’ll explain everything,” Eleanor assures him with a weak smile. Louis bites his lips and comes inside.

                As Eleanor calls her friends to tell them she can’t go out tonight, Louis awkwardly stands in her kitchen and looks around the place. He finally shucks off her coat, revealing the thick cream colored, knit jumper he’s wearing paired with Adidas sweatpants. He finally looks back to Eleanor, gaze closed off and serious. It has Eleanor fumbling a quick goodbye into her phone before she hands up. There’s the island between, but yet it still feels like they’re both too close.

                “You want tea?” Eleanor asks unsurely. Louis doesn’t reply and Eleanor frowns, “Or we can order take away-”

                “You haven’t just been talking to my family,” Louis says finally, voice quiet yet firm. Eleanor gulps nervously, “Lots said you’ve been taking care of them as well. Picking my siblings up from school, helping them with homework, cooking meals, doing laundry-” he stops, setting his jaw, “Is that true?”

                Eleanor sighs, her head dropping with her shoulders as she nods.

                “Why?” Louis asks and Eleanor scoffs ad shakes her head.

                “Because-I,” Eleanor breathes in and shrugs, “Jay couldn’t do it and Dan was busy focusing on her needs, that Lottie had to step up and become a parent. Jay was worried for her, for all her kids. She felt that dealing with everything was too much for them, but especially Lottie. So Jay asked me if I could help out whenever I could and…I did.”

                Louis gulps and looks down at his feet, “I-I didn’t it was that bad. Mu should’ve called me-”

                “She didn’t want you to leave LA,” Eleanor says with a tiny smile, “She believed that Freddie needed to be your priority.”

                Louis shakes his head and glares at Eleanor, “You should’ve told me.”

                “I know,” Eleanor confesses, feeling guilty, “And I shouldn’t have asked your sisters to keep it from you either. But,” she stops, her lip caught in her teeth.

                “What?”

                Eleanor shakes her head, “I didn’t want you to think that I was, just-doing all that for you, to get you back somehow. Because-even though I-” Eleanor stops collects her thoughts, “I love your family Louis, all of them. When Jay said she was sick, I-I felt helpless. I loved her so much, please know that.”

                Louis nods firmly, “I know you did.”

                “When she asked for help, how could I say no?” Eleanor scoffs, “You couldn’t know. I didn’t want your girlfriend getting mad at me for being around. I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything,” she shrugs, “It was better if no one knew.”

                “El-”

                “Does it really change anything Lou?” she asks brokenly, “You’ll still be going back to LA. You still have a girlfriend. We’re not together anymore, you don’t have to thank me. It’s fine.”

                Louis shakes his head, “El, I just,” he groans and rubs his head, “You should have told me.”

                “I didn’t, fuck,” she sighs, “You were moving on and I didn’t want to stop you-”

                “You need to stop saying that,” Louis says bluntly.

                Eleanor blinks at him, “Stop saying what?”

                “That I’ve moved on.” 

                Louis takes timid steps towards Eleanor and the whole time, her head is reeling, her heart is thumping.

                “I haven’t, El,” Louis admits weakly and Eleanor doesn’t know how to accept this.

                “But-”

                “I’ve tried,” Louis says, “I’ve been trying this whole time because I thought you wouldn’t take me back.”

                Eleanor tries to breathe but it’s so bloody hard to when Louis’ taking another step. A small gasp escapes her when Louis’ hand takes hers.

                “I tried to create a whole new life without you, Els and I couldn’t-I just can’t,” he smirks at her, albeit sadly, “You’re impossible to get over, Els.”

                Everything within Eleanor just wants to fall for this, to let go of her hesitations. But she holds restraint, not wanting to jump to conclusions. Louis smiles briefly before he drops his gaze to their joint hands.

                “Danielle broke up with me,” Louis says, “A few days ago. Right after I told her we kissed, rightfully so.”

                Eleanor winces and holds her breath.

                “She said she always knew I was still in love with you,” Eleanor exhales and Louis brings up her hand and kisses her knuckles sweetly.

                “Lou…”

                The man sighs, “It’s for the best. I’ve been thinking a lot, Els-about my life and how I want it to go. I saw Dan take care of me mum and I. It just made me think about who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, to be with me in my darkest times and for me to love and support them too.”

                Louis softly grazes his fingers over Eleanor’s cheek, his lips shaking nervously as they spread to a toothy grin.

                “It’s you Els. You’re all I want, all I’ll ever want.”

                Looking back and forth to Louis’ eyes, Eleanor knows he’s being truthful. There’s no hesitation in him, he’s being completely honest. It’s everything Eleanor hoped would happen, but she still can’t believe this is real. She moves her face into Louis’ palm and kisses it sweetly. Louis grins happily.

                “Can I tell you something?” Eleanor finally says, voice giddy.

                Louis scoffs, “What, babe?” Eleanor blushes madly at the pet name and leans in closely, her lips just a hair off from Louis’.

                “I never stopped loving you either,” she confesses, her voice breaking a little at the end because dammit, she’s kept it in for years. Now saying it aloud, to Louis of all people, she feels free.

                “Yeah?” he asks, surprised. Eleanor nods and Louis cups her cheek. He surges forward, before pausing, “Can I kiss you, please?”

                Eleanor doesn’t speak, she kisses him instead.

                This kiss is fiercer then the one they shared in the rain. Within seconds, Louis has her back up against the counter. Eleanor gasps against his lips, and takes in Louis’ hair into her fingers. That draws a moan from the man and suddenly, his hands and moving down her body. His hands shuck up Eleanor’s dress, bunching the material around her waist.

                Louis breaks the kiss and heaves for air. Eleanor moves to kiss his neck, nibbling desperately around the base of his neck.

                “Fuckin’-” Louis huffs, “El, I know we should take things slow but-”

                Eleanor shakes her head, “I need you, Lou-can’t wait another second-”

                Nodding, Louis picks Eleanor up briskly, his hands gripping the back of her thighs. Eleanor wraps her legs around his body, her heels dropping to the floor before Louis smirks up at her.

                “Love you,” Louis tells her again. Eleanor grins into his lips.

                How they get to Eleanor’s room is a miracle. Louis carries her the whole way, their lips never disconnect. Louis kicks the door farther open and Bruce barks. They snicker against each other lips, and Eleanor breaks away to playfully glare down her dog.

                “Bruce-y,” she scolds fondly as Louis kisses her neck. She giggles, “Looou. Put me down.”

                Sighing reluctantly, Louis does so. He quickly pets Bruce’s head, who pants happily. Eleanor smiles fondly before gently tugging on Bruce’s collar to lead him out of her room.

                “Be good,” she instructs him before closing the door.

                Louis’ already taken off his jumper, and is toeing off his shoes when Eleanor turns back around. He’s thinner then before, Eleanor notes, and somewhat misses the little pudge of tummy Louis had around his bellybutton when they first got together. Still, Eleanor’s not going to complain-not when Louis is standing half naked in her room, hungrily looking at her.

                “You know,” Louis says as he walking towards her with his infamous mischievous grin. Eleanor scoffs, but she’s missed that smile, “I’ve got a dog, Clifford.”

                Eleanor tries to act surprise but falters, “Really?”

                “Of course you knew,” Louis scoffs, a devilish grin. He crowds Eleanor against the door; she bites her lip in anticipation. Louis continues, “Bet ya didn’t know I got Clifford because he reminded me of Bruce?” A smile stretches over Eleanor’s lips.

                “Really?” Louis nods.

                “See?” he says easily, his eyes a dreamy shade of blue and fondly look into Eleanor’s. He reaches up and cups her neck gently before brushing his nose against hers, “I never forgot you. You were always on my mind, every fucking day. Every little thing was somehow tied to you.”

                Eleanor gladly accepts Louis’ lips back on hers. She mindlessly lets Louis being her hands above her head, holding them against the door. She whimpers when her thigh grazes in front of Louis and she feels just how hard he is for her. God she still can’t believe this is all actually happening.

                Louis tells her a minute later, as he nibbles on her neck, “I’ve written songs about you, Els. So many blood songs, gonna play them all for you one day.” Eleanor bites his lip, her toes curl into her carpet and her hand clings to his hair as he kisses her skin.

                Suddenly Louis is lowering himself onto the ground in front of her.

                “Lou,” Eleanor whines desperately when his hands go under the hem of her dress and grope the side of her hips. She gasps when Louis yanks her panties down to her ankles. Before Eleanor can fully register that she’s naked from the waist down, Louis’ hiking up the hem of her dress to her waist, exposing her lower half completely.

                She waits a beat and looks down at Louis when nothing happens. Louis smirks up at her, his pupils wide and locked onto Eleanor’s gaze, before lowering his mouth onto her.

                “Fuck,” Eleanor heaves at the first lick, her body jolting against the door. Louis snickers against her before he darts his tongue out again, licking her center in confident flicks that render Eleanor breathless. Louis’ always been good at eating her out but no matter how many times they did it in the past, he still had Eleanor seeing stars every time.

                He clearly hasn’t lost his touch.

                Within minutes, Eleanor’s desperately grinding on Louis’ tongue. Her thighs tremble more aggressively with each passing second and heat coils inside her stomach.

                “You’re close, aren’t ya?” Louis teases her, his hot breath hitting over her clit. Eleanor pants as she nods and mewls as Louis slips two fingers into her and his tongue swirls around her clit relentlessly. He moves his finger roughly against her spot and seems to relish in the affect he has on the girl. 

                “L-Lou, fuck-I! G-gonna-” Eleanor arches off the door and whimpers loudly as she comes. She rides out her high with her hands in Louis’ hair as the flashes behind her eyes simmer down. Louis’ hand on her hip is certainly the only thing keeping her upright; she feels weightless.

                After a minute or so, Louis kisses her inner thigh before standing up. His lips are glistening, smugly smiling, and his hair is sticking out every which way. Eleanor is aroused again.

                “I’ve missed your taste,” Louis states without shame and promptly licks his lips.

                Eleanor grabs his sweatpants and pulls Louis forward. The man hisses when his hard dick slams into her torso. Eleanor plants a searing kiss on his lips and tastes the trace of herself lingering on his lips.

                “I wanna ride you,” Eleanor tells him hotly, drawing a choked off breath from Louis.

                “Alright love,” he replies and kisses her neck gingerly, “Anything you want.”

                “Want you,” Eleanor says earnestly.

                Louis grins into her skin and simply tells her, “I’m all yours, always.” His fingers find the zipper on the back of her dress and unzips it quickly. With grabby hands Eleanor pulls down Louis track pants and groans when his thick cock springs free, nearly fully hard. Louis sighs contently against her skin and unhooks her bra. Eleanor shimmies out her the remaining clothes and steps out of them

                “Missed this,” Eleanor says dazedly and takes hold of Louis’ dick with a firm grip. Louis moans and steadies himself with one hand on the door; the other curls around Eleanor’s hip. His he trusts into Eleanor’s palm when Eleanor says lowly into his ear, “Always fucked me so good.”

                “Shit Els,” Louis pants as Eleanor continues to jerk him off.

                Eleanor opens her eyes and instantly giggles uncontrollably into Louis’ ear.

                Louis moves back, frowning down at the girl, “What?” Eleanor keeps laughing, her eyes focused to the side of him.

                “A-A penguin?!” Eleanor squeals and hits her head on the door as she laughs. Louis looks over his shoulder notices that tattoo in question on the top of his left arse cheek in the full length mirror across the room. Louis groans embarrassingly and buries his head into Eleanor’s chest.

                “Don’t remind me,” Louis says pitifully.

                Eleanor’s laughter diminishes and she coos as she strokes Louis’ hair, “I’m sorry-just forgot you got that.”

                Louis huffs and picks his head up. He smirks down at Eleanor as his finger presses against her clit. Eleanor bites back a moan and does her best to keep her eyes open.

                “Still gonna let me fuck ya?” Louis asks coyly.

                Eleanor cocks an eyebrow, her tone matching Louis’, “Go lay down on the bed and you’ll find out.”

                Realization flickers through Louis’ gaze and a wide grin comes over his lips. Eleanor blatantly stares at Louis’ arse as he walks to her bed and it takes everything within her not to immediately follow him. His knees it the mattress and he moves to the bead of the bed. Louis sits on the bed above the covers with his back against the head board and his legs spread invitingly. He smiles at her knowingly and wraps his and at the base of his cock.

                “C’mon love,” Louis says.

                Eleanor’s on her bed in a matter of seconds, her knees on either side of Louis’ hips. She cups his face and kisses him deeply. She moans as Louis moves the tip of his cock against her folds, teasing her senselessly.

                “You’re still on the pill, ya?” Louis asks and Eleanor nods quickly before leaning back. She grabs Louis’ dick and positions herself over it, the head barely skimming her entrance. Louis moves the hair out her face, his gaze soft and caring, “I love you, Els.”

                Eleanor’s lips shake as she grins.

                “Love you Lou,” she says before sinking down slowly.

                As she takes him in, she watches Louis face. His eyes are forced open and on hers the whole time, but he struggles to catch his breath as he becomes surrounded by her heat. Eleanor keeps moving down, taking in the stretch. She’s missed the way it feels to have him in her, missed the way Louis’ hands are secured on her hips, missed Louis all together.

                Now, as Eleanor fully settles on him, it’s a bit overwhelming. Her mind rattles, her breath escapes her at the tiniest motions. Louis looks at her with wonderstruck eyes, his lips puffy and parted and tempting. It suddenly becomes beyond overwhelming. Eleanor’s wanted this for so long and now that she’s got it, it’s too much. She won’t last long if she sees Louis like this.

                So just as her she starts grinding her hips a little, rotating around Louis’ dick, Eleanor curls herself against his body, her head tucked into his chest.

                “Fuck,” Louis breathes. Eleanor feels his exhale and his nails digging into the flesh around her bum, and his lips against the side of her head. His hips jut up a little, but it’s clear he’s letting Eleanor take control, which Eleanor’s grateful for, “S-So good Els.”

                That encourages Eleanor and her hips begin to move back and forth a little harder. She grins when Louis gasps and his fingers tighten on her hips. Eventually Eleanor pushes herself up and lands back down hard on his cock, riding him thoroughly. Her hips find the perfect rhythm because she feels Louis’ hips twitch under her. His cock hits her spot and Eleanor’s entire body shutters. She aims her hips for that spot again and again until her mind grows hazy and her thighs burn.

                “That’s it, love,” Louis says breathlessly.

                “Lou,” she whines, the taste of sweat on her lips and her eyes shut. Her movements grow unsteady, uneven, and her orgasm is dangerously close, “Can’t I-fuck, please Lou.”

                Louis gets the hint and rolls them over, putting Eleanor under his body.  Luis plants his forearms as frames around her head and he brushes his nose against hers and his hips thrusts shallowly. Eleanor bites back a moan and curves her legs around him, her toes landing on the meat of his arse. Louis’ hips pick up the pace and Eleanor moans, her stomach fluttering as each thrust fuck the breath out of her. She pants Louis’ name incoherently, making Louis curse into her ear.

                “C’mon love,” Louis encourages, his breath steamy in her ear, “Love seeing ya come. Love ya baby, so fucking much, always.”

                Eleanor shutters and hangs onto Louis as she comes, high whimpers leaving her lips as her hands tighten on Louis body. Her high washes over her and clouds her senses and she tightens around Louis.

                Louis groans, “Fuck, El. You feel s-so good babe. Fuck.”

                “L-Lou,” she chokes off and tries to meet Louis’ quickening thrusts, “Wanna feel you cum.”

                At that, Louis moans deeply into Eleanor’s shoulder, his hips growing slower and cums inside Eleanor. She gasps as she feels him pulse inside her.

                “Fuck,” Eleanor breathes out unbelievably.

                Louis scoffs against her skin and lifts himself up. Eleanor blinks open her eyes and smiles up at Louis, the affects of her orgasm still lingering. He slips out of her carefully and rolls off to the side, Eleanor misses having him inside her. Louis breathes loudly and Eleanor takes hold of Louis, pressing her body to her side and Louis’ arm wraps around her shoulder. Their sticky skin thick with sweat binds them like glue.

                They stay in bed for hours, kissing each other, freely touching their bodies, getting reacquainted with each other’s heartbeat. They talk with ease about everything and Eleanor listens contently. Louis tends to babble on as he speaks but Eleanor’s always loved to hear him talk. She glad she has these midnight coversations back in her life. They watch the skies as midnight approaches and they eat left over curry on her bed and they drink wine in between sneaky pecks. The clock strikes twelve, they enjoy the fireworks show when the New Year arrives with an explosion of every color imaginable and laugh senselessly into each others’ lips as they start 2017 with more kisses.

                High off of sex and the taste of wine, Eleanor falls asleep cuddled up in Louis’ arms.

                She sleeps soundly for the first time ages.

~~~

January 2017

                Eleanor’s been watching Louis sleep for nearly an hour.

                The early morning sun, signally a new day and a new year as well, cross over his features. He looks at peace, and so much younger then before. A tiny smirk graces his lips as he sleeps and the twitch when Eleanor’s finger touches his naked chest. He looks like he can sleep for hours more, and Eleanor’s happy he seems relaxed and peaceful in her presence.

                They still have so much to figure out. There’s so much they need talk about.

                But, those things can wait.

                For now, Eleanor decides she’s still sleepy. She curls back up against Louis, still smiley and giddy from the night before. Louis’ arms find their way around Eleanor’s waist again as he sleeps. They feel secure, like they’ll never let her go.

                It’s a glorious feeling.

                And Eleanor vows to never let go ever again as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!  
> *PLEASE Leave nice comments and kudos! Means a lot to me!*  
> I'm not sure when I'll write another full on Elounor fic.I'm working on Lirry fics right now but one has side Elounor soo !!!  
> Check me out on Tumblr ! Teatimetommo!  
> Take care! :)


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